in a nutshell

"For many, the dance of intimate relationship is what feels most meaningful in life. Yet besides the joy and communion they may have found, they inevitably suffer the anguish of conflict and hurt."

When we enter into an intimate relationship, few of us escape visitations of insecurity and shame, of aversion and jealousy. Learning to bring an openhearted presence to these kinds of feelings, rather than reacting out of fear or hurt, is not easy. But when we are willing to stay put and pay attention at precisely the moments when we most want to lash out, cling tightly, or pull away, our relationship becomes a path of deep personal healing and spiritual transformation.

I am still here... but I need you to be with me, my pillar.....

Reinventing My Life

The way I am now is not the way I have to be. It is possible to reinvent my life, to change all of it - I can change my relationships, change the way I do things, and most important for me - change the way I feel.

Then why does it sounds so grim? (self note of thoughts)

I'm talking about the reconfiguration of my mental and emotional attitudes, shifting my vision of life (like real right?) - the kind of inner shift that turns a pessimist into someone capable of seeing the perfection in everything; that lets an angry person channel rage into creative energy; that makes us happier, more peaceful, more in touch with the love and wisdom at our core.

But what if I'm not a pessimist to begin with? :P

I guess it essentially boils down to what kind of change I'm really after and what level of change it requires. It should be theoretically possible to change anything about ourselves - the power of intention.

1. Become the witness to my thoughts rather than becoming my thoughts and feelings.
2. Knowing better doesn't always does not always change my behaviour, it's the weight of accumulated impressions - the reason I think and feel the way I do.
3. Intense motivation fuels the breakthrough - it's the intensity of the longing for change that does the work. (but boy is it still tough)
4. Strong aspiration not only motivates to act, it also attracts help. When it comes from within, it is experienced as inspiration.
5. It takes time - it's not a linear process, it spirals. (sigh)

I have compassion, just not for myself. I am not afraid of change, but more of what change will make me. I guess it lies in the mindset. Mind and heart needs an overhaul. It's too battered to be of any good. It needs rejuvenation...

HELP.

vanishing

... this romantic is dying a v e r y slow death ...

my past is my advocate.

success to spirituality

Success, accomplishments, triumphs, victories, feats.

The extent to which one quantifies/qualifies success depends to a large degree on the size of ones own ego. At what level will you feel satisfied with what you have?

So much about life is a puzzle. There are people who want to be enlightened but at the same time they do not realise that what they are setting out to accomplish won't even start them on that path. They are too self-absorbed to realise that it is not within one's own success that one finds answers.

Then they might think that to begin on the path, you must have a certain amount of financial success, then only are you able to seek, given less monetary woes, the means to reach the pinacle of spirituality.

Phhoooeeeyyy!

I think humanity has started off on the wrong foot no thanks to social culture. The over-exposure to "neccesities" are what hinders us from being truly 'detached'.

When you set out to seek things, you tend to lose more than you will find. We tend to take for granted a lot of things in pursuit of success. And you won't realise how much you're losing til it's gone. The signs will be there, but you're just too busy to notice.

It's a lonely path to success, it's an even lonelier path to enlightenment.

after all

Staring out into the night from the 16th Floor of BH, looking into the midst of mid-valley... one emotion has played on for months... ~ overwhelming love~ ... and it keeps playing.....

you slept

I wanted you to distract me,
I wanted you to talk to me,
To keep me company.
You said you weren't sleepy,
and that it was still early...
But..... you slept.

one day

I wish you could...

see things through my eyes,
read the thoughts in my head,
feel the emotions of my heart,
for just one day.

Then maybe you'd understand.....