little pup

A little puppy sits next to me as I type
He was hidden under my comforter all this while
Do you even remember him??? :)

He brings back memories of yesteryear
Almost exactly just a year ago
The events, the laughter, the singing.

He is the only constant in a changing world
He will be the only one that stays the same
And he will remain the guardian of time.

everytime

everytime the ocean touches the shore
it takes a little back with it
a grain of sand and of stone
it gives a little back too
of shells, and of salt.

everytime spring arrives
it takes winter with it
the chill and cold months
it breathes of brighter things
nature returns with new life.

everytime the sun sets
it takes back the day
ending all pligths and woes
it gives back new possibilities
of a brighter tomorrow.

everytime someone enters your life
they take a little from you
a moment in time, a memory
they give back a little too
moments in time, memories.

everytime you feel your heart hurt
it takes away your will and strength
your hope, your passion, your conviction
it gives back little to wish for
and you have little to wish for.

shattered

You're driving along the road and a stray pebble hits your windscreen.
Nothing happens.

More of those pebbles at different points in time keeps hitting the windscreen.
A crack appears.

The crack eventually works its way and shatters the windscreen.

+++===+++===+++===+++===+++===+++===+++===+++===+++

Replace the windscreen and no one would know better.
No one but you.

a little piece of delusion

alcohol.
high.
yet conscious of your thoughts and actions.
head spins.
trying to keep it together.
you don't like the way it makes you feel but you like the high it gives you.
contradiction.
crash.
night.

heh

"ni ai wo, ying wei wo bu hui jiang hwa yue'."


* hehehe. little ironies. excuse the spelling of the pin yin, it was a BIG stab in the dark. * :)

emotional abuse

I couldn't sleep so I decided to do what some insomniacs might... I write.

And what I'm thinking of at this moment I guess relates to a show Oprah did a while ago on emotional torment by a person's spouse, partner, lover, etc. And of course, it got me thinking... at that time, even before, and now again.

I can understand what those women (and occasionally, men) feel. And I think that's what scares me. You are so emotionally abused that you don't even see it as that anymore. You just wonder why this person keeps doing it to you over and over again until you break down. And you know what the sickest thing of all is? That even at the end of it... we will ask ourselves, was it my fault? Maybe I shouldn't have, then they wouldn't have... maybe if I didn't then... if I hadn't... but deep down inside (very, very, very, deep down) you know it's that *@#$%^@*!!! fault, not yours. But a lot of times, you will look back and wonder what went wrong. And then a good friend will give you a good shake and say "are you mad?? do you remember what they did to you?!"

Time... makes you forget. And that's not a good thing. We forget why we got away from these people... why our friends hated them so much... why you broke down almost every - single - day. The worst thing in this case is probably that you have to REMIND yourself why they are so bad and why you chose to isolate them. Can you imagine? Having to remind yourself that someone is not good for you? To stay from them? Reminding yourself what you went through in order to not let your heart get soft?

I am now wondering if the affects of that will ever leave... having to remind yourself of the pain, the reason to stay away, and why you're better off. It doesn't come along every day but when it does, you have to be strong by yourself and tell yourself that it wasn't your fault. That your being mean to them in the end was justified. That you have better things going on for you now than to think of that person. If you still think of it now, does that mean it's still on-going? The abuse that is... from someone who (supposedly) loves you.

Time is not a friend on this road. It's one thing you shouldn't forget - never give in to emotional abuse. Again.

Breaking free was hard. Forgiving yourself for having been there, is harder. Being able to never fear that person, is hardest. Forgetting - is not an option, as there will be repercussions.

rain

Sitting in a hut watching the rain fall

Walking in the rain to pick a grass flower

Wrapped in a baby blue blanket sipping bubble tea

With pearls and chocolate pudding

Watching the constant rhythm of the rain

Listening to the 'pitter-patter' as it falls above.

A chicken pecked my ear thinking it was my nose

Ducks apparently have 'paddles' that enables them to swim

Fingers frozen from the cold under the blankie

Smelling the aroma of rain on a wistful silent night.

on a night like this

on a night like this
you wanna walk outside
with the rain as your guide

on a night like this
you wanna stay up all night
and let the hours just go by...

on a night like this
the world seems small and light
where worries stay out of sight

on a night like this
you thank the stars
for the hope it ignites

(but most important of all)

on a night like this
you wanna hold those dear
close and say thank you
for being a part of my life.