emotional abuse
I couldn't sleep so I decided to do what some insomniacs might... I write.
And what I'm thinking of at this moment I guess relates to a show Oprah did a while ago on emotional torment by a person's spouse, partner, lover, etc. And of course, it got me thinking... at that time, even before, and now again.
I can understand what those women (and occasionally, men) feel. And I think that's what scares me. You are so emotionally abused that you don't even see it as that anymore. You just wonder why this person keeps doing it to you over and over again until you break down. And you know what the sickest thing of all is? That even at the end of it... we will ask ourselves, was it my fault? Maybe I shouldn't have, then they wouldn't have... maybe if I didn't then... if I hadn't... but deep down inside (very, very, very, deep down) you know it's that *@#$%^@*!!! fault, not yours. But a lot of times, you will look back and wonder what went wrong. And then a good friend will give you a good shake and say "are you mad?? do you remember what they did to you?!"
Time... makes you forget. And that's not a good thing. We forget why we got away from these people... why our friends hated them so much... why you broke down almost every - single - day. The worst thing in this case is probably that you have to REMIND yourself why they are so bad and why you chose to isolate them. Can you imagine? Having to remind yourself that someone is not good for you? To stay from them? Reminding yourself what you went through in order to not let your heart get soft?
I am now wondering if the affects of that will ever leave... having to remind yourself of the pain, the reason to stay away, and why you're better off. It doesn't come along every day but when it does, you have to be strong by yourself and tell yourself that it wasn't your fault. That your being mean to them in the end was justified. That you have better things going on for you now than to think of that person. If you still think of it now, does that mean it's still on-going? The abuse that is... from someone who (supposedly) loves you.
Time is not a friend on this road. It's one thing you shouldn't forget - never give in to emotional abuse. Again.
Breaking free was hard. Forgiving yourself for having been there, is harder. Being able to never fear that person, is hardest. Forgetting - is not an option, as there will be repercussions.
And what I'm thinking of at this moment I guess relates to a show Oprah did a while ago on emotional torment by a person's spouse, partner, lover, etc. And of course, it got me thinking... at that time, even before, and now again.
I can understand what those women (and occasionally, men) feel. And I think that's what scares me. You are so emotionally abused that you don't even see it as that anymore. You just wonder why this person keeps doing it to you over and over again until you break down. And you know what the sickest thing of all is? That even at the end of it... we will ask ourselves, was it my fault? Maybe I shouldn't have, then they wouldn't have... maybe if I didn't then... if I hadn't... but deep down inside (very, very, very, deep down) you know it's that *@#$%^@*!!! fault, not yours. But a lot of times, you will look back and wonder what went wrong. And then a good friend will give you a good shake and say "are you mad?? do you remember what they did to you?!"
Time... makes you forget. And that's not a good thing. We forget why we got away from these people... why our friends hated them so much... why you broke down almost every - single - day. The worst thing in this case is probably that you have to REMIND yourself why they are so bad and why you chose to isolate them. Can you imagine? Having to remind yourself that someone is not good for you? To stay from them? Reminding yourself what you went through in order to not let your heart get soft?
I am now wondering if the affects of that will ever leave... having to remind yourself of the pain, the reason to stay away, and why you're better off. It doesn't come along every day but when it does, you have to be strong by yourself and tell yourself that it wasn't your fault. That your being mean to them in the end was justified. That you have better things going on for you now than to think of that person. If you still think of it now, does that mean it's still on-going? The abuse that is... from someone who (supposedly) loves you.
Time is not a friend on this road. It's one thing you shouldn't forget - never give in to emotional abuse. Again.
Breaking free was hard. Forgiving yourself for having been there, is harder. Being able to never fear that person, is hardest. Forgetting - is not an option, as there will be repercussions.
posted by delusion of dreams @ 4:26 AM
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