life suxs this minute

where do you get the strength from to carry on when all you want is not to exist?

where do you go from here when life gets you so down you don't want to get up?



i want to run... i want to go somewhere no one knows me, by face or by name. i don't mind starting all over again, because it already feels like i have nothing.

i want to be completely cared for. but as i say that i realise that i had that option but chose not to take it. to be waited on hand and foot. not having to do anything and at the same time given everything. the only problem was that i would have to love the person doing all that for me... and i couldn't.

call it moral stupidity or just plain stupid. it's what some people search for all their lives - to be loved completely, utterly, unconditionally. but then again, the pain and complications weren't worth it. for me.



i'm too nice. not. sorry for those of you who think i am. i've been the bitch, the heart-breaker, the liar, the player, the manipulator, the schemer, the traitor, the conspirator, and the all-round fuck up.

nothing is as it seems. i definitely am not. don't mistake me for otherwise. as easy as it is to be deceived, think that i am that good at covering up. the core of me is hollow. life ripped everything out and left a void.



intelligence is not a gift, it's a weapon.